Adult Children: the Secret of Dysfunctional Families Summary

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May 08, 2008 Lisa rated information technology information technology was amazing

Recommends information technology for: therapists, adult children of dysfunctional families

This is the offset self-assist book I ever read. It shed lite on the dynamics of my family of origin and propelled me into recovery.

This book may take literally saved my life. I can't recommend it enough if y'all come from an unhealthy family, no matter the caste of dysfunction. This book may have literally saved my life. I tin't recommend it enough if you come from an unhealthy family, no affair the degree of dysfunction. ...more

Nov 08, 2016 Laurent rated it it was astonishing

v stars -- Wow. This book had a deep bear upon on me.

If you have the vague feeling there's something fucked upwardly in your life but cannot say what, this volume is for you.
If your parents always told yous that they dearest each other only had/have trouble expressing information technology spontaneously, this book is for you.
If you cling to your partner or await for a partner like an addict in withdrawal, this book is for you lot.

This volume is a treasure nigh codependency. The codependency movement started from children/partners of al

five stars -- Wow. This book had a deep touch on me.

If you have the vague feeling at that place'southward something fucked up in your life but cannot say what, this book is for you.
If your parents e'er told you that they love each other simply had/have trouble expressing it spontaneously, this book is for y'all.
If you cling to your partner or expect for a partner like an addict in withdrawal, this volume is for you.

This book is a treasure nearly codependency. The codependency movement started from children/partners of alcoholics. But what about the residuum of us who had a normal chilhood yet live a life of tranquility misery? This book has an answer for these people.

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Insightful, I believe everyone could benefit from this book. First step to fixing the problem is to acknowledge that there is ane.

This is a very clear introduction to the concept of how developed children cope with things they learned from their dysfunctional families while they grew up. If you grew up in a dwelling house where alcoholism, addiction, corruption, or eating disorders were common, it is very likely that you lived in a dysfunctional family unit that did not teach y'all healthy relationship skills. As a result, you may not know how to connect with other people, how to build an intimate relationship, or how to resolve conflict in a way t This is a very articulate introduction to the concept of how adult children cope with things they learned from their dysfunctional families while they grew up. If you lot grew upwardly in a home where alcoholism, addiction, corruption, or eating disorders were mutual, it is very probable that you lived in a dysfunctional family unit that did non teach yous healthy human relationship skills. Every bit a event, yous may not know how to connect with other people, how to build an intimate relationship, or how to resolve conflict in a fashion that preserves your human relationship. The authors explain that dysfunction happens along a continuum and then that some families have mild dysfunction while others are and so damaged that the backwash tin be physically and psychologically stunting for the children of the family. This volume as well briefly covers the topic of family systems and how the entire family can be impacted past i member'south habit or abusive behavior. This book provides questionnaires to assist y'all assess the level of dysfunction in your family, what issues are currently causing problems for you, and helps yous effigy out what kind of professional or support grouping assistance could assist y'all in moving forward. Finally, this book discusses codependency since the authors believe that even people who are alcoholics or fond to drugs deal with codependency issues underneath the addictions. I highly recommend this volume as an introduction to this subject and equally a sort of tour guide. There may be books that are more targeted to providing help in specific areas, just this is a very overnice starting indicate. ...more than

February 18, 2020 Paula rated it actually liked information technology

This book isn't specially well-written or organized, in my stance and some of the interlude stories are quite strange. Nonetheless, the content is skilful and breaks things down simply and to the basics. Helpful in cocky-reflection.

A bit slow to start but well worth reading and piece of cake to relate to. He gives lists of symptoms which one tin read through to cheque if one relates and identifies.

Sep 11, 2018 Kelly rated it it was amazing

Anybody, no affair what their childhood, should read this volume.

Another one of those one-time self-help books. Kinda fun.

January 19, 2017 Emily rated information technology liked it

This volume contains excellent descriptions of roles people in dysfunctional families detect themselves stuck in and the habits they develop. The examples are somewhat gendered and the authors are very heavy into the 12 pace model only they integrate many schools of thought (psychodynamic, Rogers, Erikson, etc). In that location are also parables and analogies interspersed that help the reader empathize some of the concepts. I would recommend this to people with any issues or dissatisfaction with their family This volume contains fantabulous descriptions of roles people in dysfunctional families detect themselves stuck in and the habits they develop. The examples are somewhat gendered and the authors are very heavy into the 12 stride model but they integrate many schools of thought (psychodynamic, Rogers, Erikson, etc). In that location are also parables and analogies interspersed that help the reader empathize some of the concepts. I would recommend this to people with any issues or dissatisfaction with their family of origin. This would exist especially useful for adult children of alcoholics who haven't sought therapy or handling yet or even recognized that a problem exists. ...more

Jun 05, 2020 Amanda Kae rated it information technology was amazing

This is a life's game changer. Taught me a lot on my raw nerve self and an even better matter is they offering possible ways out of the wreckage. Funny, an old book still applies in 2020 life. This is a life's game changer. Taught me a lot on my raw nervus self and an fifty-fifty amend thing is they offer possible means out of the wreckage. Funny, an old volume however applies in 2020 life. ...more than

Feb 19, 2018 Angelina rated information technology it was amazing

Get-go time reading on the topic dysfunctional family and how such organisation affects child and later on on an developed, "child adult". Personally, I enjoy any psychology book which explores circuitous human being emotions, psychology theories in a uncomplicated relatable language. For me, this book, delivers just that. I like, that the author non only naming feelings & symptoms, but also links them dorsum to the topic by highlighting how information technology all affects behaviour of the adult, suggests to expect into yourself and about importa First fourth dimension reading on the topic dysfunctional family and how such system affects child and subsequently on an adult, "child developed". Personally, I enjoy any psychology book which explores circuitous human emotions, psychology theories in a elementary relatable language. For me, this volume, delivers just that. I like, that the author non merely naming feelings & symptoms, merely also links them back to the topic past highlighting how it all affects behaviour of the adult, suggests to look into yourself and almost importantly reminds the reader to seek clinical and group help if couple of symptoms utilize.

If you are looking for some techniques, tools of overcoming "adult child within" I would say, it isn't a go to book. It certainly a get to book to increase an sensation on the topic and acknowledge if you have an issue.

I think this book should exist read by anybody at to the lowest degree once for its insights on emotional behaviour. I think readers who tin benefit from this book are: adult- children, teenagers, healthy adults (help to see other side and broaden knowledge and understanfing of developed child experience).

Personal notes/potential spoilers:

On Sadness: " to feel sad, we must also allow ourselves feel powerless. Sadness is a normal, good for you response to loss... sadness may feel empty at first but eventually becomes the fuel for renewed promise and beingness...sadness let us cry without feeling the ashamed... it lets us take the fourth dimension to say adieu...and the best of all we do non require that nosotros do much of anything to exist appropriate for situation".
On shame: "Shame is a base if all addictions. It is often expression of worthlessness/ critisism east.k. I made mistake therefore I am a fault. Information technology comes from damaging interpersonal bridge between ii people, in detail when relationship comes in question. Shame tin can cause ostracism.
On guilt:" there 2 types of guilt: healthy guilt, which let united states know when we take authentically done something to hurt someone else and information technology provides the free energy and bulldoze to keep united states of america paralysed. Meanwhile,unhealthy guilt tells us that nosotros have done something wring when we actually oasis't, and thus it provides a lot of energy and bulldoze to keep united states of america paralised".

On secrets: what hole-and-corner we try to hibernate that causes shameful feeling/thoughts/behaviour? Of import to overt covert behaviour past understanding emotional secret driving the behaviour, to do so its important to permit it out in without shame or blame, particularly if the secret doesn't serve a salubrious purpose.

On co-dependency: " loss of self on a regular ground is non intimacy it is dependency". Co-dependency is dysfunctional pattern of living, which emerges from our family of origin, culture, producing arrested identity evolution and resulting in an over reaction to the things outside of us and an under reaction to things inside of us. Left untreated information technology can atomic number 82 to an addiction. Symptoms of co dependency are: low, tolerance to inappropriate behaviour, self-defeating coping strategies, strong need yo command oneself and others, stress related concrete symptoms, abuse /& fail of self, difficulty with intimacy and secuality, fearfulness of abandomnment, shame, inappropriate guilt, eventually addiction, rage."

"the feeling of ameliorate than besides leaves enough of room for feeling worse than others, which leads to social and emotional isolation"

" we can non recover lonely but we also cannot recover if all of our fourth dimension is spend with others who are non in recovery"

On the monster-Fearfulness: "If you run abroad from me without listening to what I have to say, you lot might finish up avoiding something important for you. Merely if you listen to me merely correct, and larn to make friends with me, then will y'all have a wisdom". p.194

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This review has been hidden because information technology contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This was a very succinct prepare of descriptions equally it relates to those having been raised in dysfunctional households. Very enlightening. In that location were many times when I had to just say, "those were words I did not accept to depict what I was experiencing". I am praying to undo any harm done to my children and to mature with compassion from this level of growth. This was a very succinct set of descriptions equally information technology relates to those having been raised in dysfunctional households. Very enlightening. There were many times when I had to merely say, "those were words I did not have to describe what I was experiencing". I am praying to undo any harm done to my children and to mature with pity from this level of growth. ...more

Apr 25, 2021 j infant rated information technology it was amazing

I decided to read this volume because information technology was suggested in another volume I read on dealing with childhood trauma. This book was incredibly helpful. It does a very adept job of roofing the family systems and how that furnishings childhood evolution which after can upshot in Adult Children and big forms of co-dependency. I recommend this volume to anyone on their healing journey.

Peachy, necessary book for me but the bulletin that I must have professional help or else I'thou unlikely to recover/heal was saddening. I will practise the best I can with what I have bachelor, like everyone else. Bully, necessary book for me just the message that I must have professional aid or else I'k unlikely to recover/heal was saddening. I will do the best I can with what I have available, like everyone else. ...more

December 07, 2017 Connie rated it it was amazing

My entire life I had been dealing with symptoms of a dysfunctional childhood without realizing just how many of my symptoms can be attributed to it. This book provided me clarity, strength, and reassurance to help my journeying forward in a life of recovery from toxic behaviors and relationships.

A great read!!!

This volume is a must read for those interested in learning about dysfunctional families. Whether yous are an adult child of a dysfunctional family unit or just seeking to acquire about the subject, I highly recommend this book for your

Jun 29, 2020 Marcella rated information technology it was astonishing

Great overview that helped me place bug I was feeling, in spite of what I considered a stable (although not loving) babyhood. Proficient starting signal, so that I can now address some of those issues that I may be repeating.

Peachy volume

Life irresolute. Helped encounter the inner kid in me. Fabricated me realized that I can change for better at present. Smashing!

My therapist suggested this book. Information technology really opened my optics as to why I did and so many things.

Sep 04, 2019 Noah Coad rated it really liked it

1 of the most impactful books I've read. Really nailed my experience. 1 of the nigh impactful books I've read. Really nailed my feel. ...more

May 25, 2021 Amanda rated it really liked it

Excellent. Really informative if you're simply starting your healing; validating if you're already working on information technology.

Sep 16, 2021 Selene rated it it was amazing

Surprisingly not dated, and a fortunately not sexist view of codependency, which is and so oft how codependency is portrayed. Really helpful for anyone healing from a traumatic childhood.

Feb 10, 2022 Sanae rated information technology actually liked it

Very helpful guide especially when it comes to defining our boundaries ..

Mar 09, 2017 Tansura rated it liked it

Mostly information. Lilliputian on treatment though that's probable due to the sort of disorder that'southward the subject and how it needs to be highly individualized.

Practiced overview.

All my audiobooks are starting to follow a psychology tendency.

By and large information. Footling on handling though that's probable due to the sort of disorder that'due south the field of study and how information technology needs to be highly individualized.

Skillful overview.

All my audiobooks are starting to follow a psychology trend.

...more

Free little library book that I've tucked away for too long. This forenoon, my mom cried about some piddling woe is me complaint on my son's bday. Soooooo, it's loftier time I whip this out and finally give information technology a proper read to understand her neediness and constant drama.

Ugh, non at all what I idea I'd get out of this book. Apparently I'thou the last one to know that Developed Children is code for co-dependent alcoholics. Nil wrong with being one, only that is not what I thought the book would be well-nigh--

Free little library book that I've tucked abroad for besides long. This forenoon, my mom cried about some piddling woe is me complaint on my son's bday. Soooooo, information technology'southward high time I whip this out and finally give it a proper read to sympathise her neediness and constant drama.

Ugh, not at all what I idea I'd exit of this volume. Apparently I'yard the concluding one to know that Adult Children is code for co-dependent alcoholics. Nothing incorrect with existence ane, simply that is non what I thought the book would be about--and since this was all based on theory and non fact, this volume just made me angry over and over over again--saying how we are all fucked upwards (ok, sure, all of us are likely fucked upwardly) and that the only way to "get better/get help/set relationships" is by going to a ____ Bearding program. I'm sure that helps a lot of people, but I was disappointed at this book'southward tiresome focus on only one "right" solution.

...more than

useful book with a lot of data

Nov 28, 2017 Traci Simons rated it actually liked information technology

I listened to this on audible and it was very informative for me. I learned a lot about what a "family of origin" is and how that affects everyone. Information technology gave me peace of mind at some points and then made me think at others. There are lots of lists in there that may accept been easier to read than heed to, and the narrator reads quite slowly then I sped it up a chip. Overall, I'd recommend this to anyone who's trying to figure out their crazy family unit dynamics. I listened to this on aural and it was very informative for me. I learned a lot nigh what a "family unit of origin" is and how that affects anybody. It gave me peace of listen at some points and so fabricated me retrieve at others. There are lots of lists in in that location that may have been easier to read than listen to, and the narrator reads quite slowly and so I sped it upwards a scrap. Overall, I'd recommend this to anyone who's trying to figure out their crazy family dynamics. ...more

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"Something happened to united states a long fourth dimension ago. Information technology happened more than in one case. It hurt us. Nosotros protected ourselves the only mode nosotros knew how. We are withal protecting ourselves. It isn't working anymore." — i likes

"One of the major tasks of growing up is to learn how to go interdependent with others. Interdependence means being ane'due south own person, being able to maintain a clear and separate identity from others, while still recognizing the demand for assistance and support from others. It also ways being able to go that support in healthy rather than destructive means." — i likes

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